Evening Rhythm- Guiding Our Children to Sleep

I chose the evening as a starting point for creating rhythm and ritual in our family life. Our day often begins with how well we prepared for ourselves the night before- and certainly the best preparation is the strengthened resolve after a good night's rest. Many ideas have converged to create what is working out to be a very smooth transition to sleep for the children. Lately I've been brainstorming with a friend to help solve a child's sleep disturbance issues, and that has helped me to solidify my attitude and thoughts towards this topic.

To begin with, I suppose my philosophy of the nature of sleep is very influential in how I approach it. I believe sleep can be likened to a meditative state. Interestingly, there are stories of people who have forgone sleep and participated in deep states of meditation which provided them with the "rest" and renewal they needed for the next day. I don't have experience with this- but I agree with Veronika Van Duin when she explains:

"Perhaps the simplest way to understand... is to imagine we face a problem with no apparent resolution. Intuitively we know we need time, a space, in which to allow the problem to sink down and be digested. Many people will ask for time to "sleep on" a question before having to answer it. And often, miraculously, the answer arrives the following morning. It may not be always so instantaneous. It may require a few nights before the answer surfaces, and we may wonder where it has come from. Sometimes we can even wake up with words ringing in our ears, telling us what to do. Who advises us? Who takes care of our unconscious knowledge and pushes it up into clear thoughts or new energy when we need it? Can we arrive at the same clear insight by means of meditation?"

While our mind and emotions govern our waking consciousness, I tend to think that our souls governs our sleeping consciousness. While the mind and emotions work with logic, words, and the like, our souls work with symbolism and imagery- the stuff of dreams. It is as if our souls are nocturnal, and they do much of their work as we sleep. We certainly don't "shut off" or cease to have consciousness- sleep research has proven that sleep consciousness is indeed consciousness, albeit a different level. Falling asleep is almost like falling into a trance... and when we wake we forget much of what went on.

I believe that our souls receive their nourishment as we sleep, gathering the fuel to process and sort out the issues of our life and revive us to fulfill our destiny or purpose. What are the consequences of lack of sleep? Are they not the same as personal and moral shortcomings - irritability, confusion, impatience?

How then, do I guide my children into this spiritual state of sleep? The first thing that comes to mind is to gently wipe away the sensory input of the physical world and its more tangible, mind and emotion centered objects. Water is a very spiritual medium- perhaps retaining some of the other-worldly element of being weightless and swimming before we were born. The Bible likens the Holy Spirit to water- in that it is "poured out". Bath time is a symbolic way to wipe away the things of the day, to cleanse and purify. They put on their pj's, and its a good time for me to as well. My mother in law told me she puts hers on quite early, because just seeing her in her night clothes helps her husband wind down and feel relaxed- yes, night has truly come. After baths, I offer the children a snack of bread and butter and some warmed milk with a tinge of honey. Both foods have biblical significance- spiritual foods- Jesus says He is the "bread of life", and the Promised land was said to overflow with "milk and honey".

Next we go upstairs to the children's room. Although we have two bedrooms available, I have put them in the same room to make the nighttime routine easier, as it is less ideal to have to transport a sleeping child to a different area than they fell asleep in (this can be unsettling). if the room is very untidy, it is important to set the stage for rest by eliminating chaos with a quick tidying session. It work wonders even to toss toys in the toybox or closet, put dirty clothes in the hamper, and freshen up the bedding. It's also a great idea to prepare for tomorrow by picking out clothes for the next day. If this is part of the routine, it forces us to have laundry done and put away before each evening, and we never face the drama of trying to get ready to go somewhere in the morning and missing socks or matching clothing!

We have a special candle for evening scented with the essential oils that induce relaxation (such as lavendar)- called "Sweet Dreams"- one of Way out Wax's soy candles. Sometimes I might rub a bit of Badger's Nighty Night Balm on the children's foreheads or chest, if they seem wound up. So I light the candle, and with Elijah in his bed and Kingston in my arms, usually nursing, as I rock in the rocking chair beside Elijah's bed, I tell them a story. Ideally, the story is told from memory as it can be hard to read picture books by candle. Some might choose to have a dim lamp and use story books. If so, it is best to steer away from stimulating books- this is not the time for Where the Wild Things Are! Even the Bible is a bit too strong in its symbolism and impact- perhaps why we are often urged to read it in the morning hours. I know for myself and others I have talked to, Bible reading before bed often leads to unsettling dreams. I think one of the more soothing Psalms- with thanksgiving or comfort as a theme- may be the exception. I remember as a child I often slept over my cousins', where before bed was a time of Bible reading followed by cornflakes. Whether it was the black and white strong biblical imagery or the sugary processed corn flakes, or a combination, I don't know- but all 5 of us children has nightmares quite often! Light fairytales and pictures with watercolors and pastels that are beautiful and soft catch the mood for falling asleep. The soft glow of the candle and the soothing sound of parent's voice, lets the impact of whatever story we tell really take root in their minds. A gentle touch while telling the story may be appreciated... up to the individual child.

If the child is facing an issue in their life- a problematic behaviour or showing outward signs of fear or anxiety, specific stories can be chosen as a therapeutic tool to plant subconscious suggestions or solutions they can use. If this idea sounds interesting, look into the book "Healing Stories for Challenging Behaviour" by Susan Perrow. In general, selected Grimm's tales are appropriate for youngest children; Hans Christian Anderson contains a bit more complexity and is best saved for those over 7. Aesop's fables are not recommended as they are rather preachy and moralize, instead of planting gentle suggestions which spark our own intuition and help us solve our problems from the heart outwards (which tends to have more motivating power for true change than mentally generated solutions).

If we had a troublesome day or any issues stand out, we talk about those and lay them to rest. For instance- "Mommy really lost her temper today when such-and-such happened, and I'm sorry for raising my voice. Will you forgive me? We will start fresh and new tomorrow won't we?" Now we say our prayers. Forgiveness is very important before we fall asleep. Sometimes one of my children voices a concern for being lonely at night in his bed all by himself. We talk about his guardian angel, who "encamps round about him" and protects him. Then he feels better about it.

I sing a song that I have sung to them as a lullaby from birth- one which my own mother sang to me.

Usually they fall asleep easily with this. If trouble arises, I have learned a few techniques to help them. Sometimes rubbing my hand lightly down across their forehead and over the eyelids helps them keep their eyes shut and fall asleep (especially with babies). My best technique is breathing. When I studied the safety reasons for cosleeping, I discovered that one benefit is a huge decrease in the incidence of SIDS. Why? Because babies automatically adjust their breathing to ours, as if we are setting the pattern for them. They are less likely to stop breathing simply because they hear us breathe. So I close my eyes and breathe deeply as if I were sleeping, and often times this is just the gentle coaxing a small child needs to follow suit enter the world of dreams.

Essentially, we prepare them for inward activity by veiling the more outward and physcial activities of life, as we guide them to sleep. "Stimulating books and television before bed are absolutely not appropriate". See this excellent article on sleep disturbances- http://www.waldorflibrary.org/waldorf%20journals%20project/SleepDisturbances.pdf

Once they have drifted off, I sometimes pause to watch them sleeping "like little angels." This reminds me to offer a note of thanks to their angels for all the ministering and guarding they offer in their service to God... and if it was a particularly difficult day with one of the children, I may take an extra moment to settle those issues, staying beside them or crawling into bed with them just long enough to say a few prayers of my own, or perform a meditation, until my well of empathy and goodwill is full again (whether towards the child for their behaviour, or myself for my shortcomings as a parent).

Don't forget to blow out the candle!

Goodnight.