Goodwill Housekeeping

Lately I've felt like a tumbleweed. Why is it that I can create a beautiful "rhythm" for my day and then cast it by the wayside when it comes down to the nitty gritty?

In week two of "One Year to an Organized Life", Regina talks about the importance of establishing routines (I use the word "rhythms"). Being a Waldorf education devotee I am very in tune with this idea. However, taking a good inventory of my life, I have to admit that I have great struggles here. I am spontaneous, passionate, and... random! Last post I talked about "spiritual organization"- directing my intellect and emotions to work together with my will. How can I apply that concept to this area of my life?

These are the thoughts that have come to me.

What happens when I operate for a very long time outside the realm of goodwill? If I harbor many negative attitudes and feelings towards the mundane aspects of life, won't I come to view them as not simply "ordinary", but as "unpleasant"?

Have I accepted the attitude of a society that often functions not in terms of personal responsibility, but by "ought to", "should", "have to", "need to", and "must"? What happens when I identify with this mindset as I complete my tasks? Do I think of my occupation as livelihood, chosen work, my calling? Or is it drudgery, the daily grind, labor? Do I view the things I am responsible for- home and children and belongings- as priviledges and gifts, or duties and obligations? If I identify with the latter, am I not weakening my own free will and poisoning my attitude towards my accomplishments?

Yes... if I view something as undesirable, it becomes undesirable. I create my own reality. So my first step is to change my perspective and learn to see, feel, and believe these to be honorable, enjoyable, and valuable pieces of my day- quoting from my first post, I mean to "truly engage myself in my tasks, embuing them with my goodwill and creativity. Washing dishes is not drudgery, but a form of household alchemy. This is especially necessary for me with small children, who imitate not only my words and actions, but the spirit behind them. They 'drink in' the hardness or softness of my face, the cheerfulness or frustration in my posture, the very attitude I convey. I shape their attitude towards work, even when they are infants observing my 'mundane' chores."

I have christened my intent "goodwill housekeeping". Let me explain...

Growth-wise, the book "Nonviolent Communication" revolutionized my life this year. While the process of integrating it into immediate practice has been very slow- it takes time to develop the habit of thinking things through before speaking (I am more of a "stream of consciousness" person)- it did immediately change the way I evaluate myself and my relationships. It brought me such compassion for myself that guilt and blame have found little room to roost.

NVC addresses the issues of personal freedom/autonomy and goodwill. It proposes the idea that when we do something because we are told, or tell ourselves, we "have to", we sidestep our autonomy and reduce our sense of personal responsibility for our life. We feel more like a victim, a drudge, a person who is trapped by circumstances, and impersonal to our tasks. What about those things we really "must" do? Perhaps there really *are* things we must do (like eat)- but, even then we can dissect those things down to choice (*I choose to eat because I want to relieve my hunger*). It may seem like semantics- and I suppose it is. But my life experiences and personality have led me to a place where examining the realities behind the semantics is truly helpful and enlightening. I am better able to carry a sense of empowerment and individual responsibility into my life when I view it in terms of my choice. So, while circumstances may seem to dictate that I change a dirty diaper, I remind myself "I choose to change that diaper now because I care for Kingston's comfort". I then bring that word- "care"- into my task.

If I cannot honestly make the choice within myself to complete a task or fulfill a request with benevolence, or cheerful aquiesence, I am better off waiting until I can, or declining to do it. When I do something outside of goodwill, I generate resentment towards whoever it is that is generating the demand- even if it is myself! The more I have considered the "laws of the universe"- my name for those spiritual truths that seem to play out timelessly- the more I consider that negativity breeds negativity. So it makes sense that "consent" with resentment is not productive. At first I thought this would mean I'd just end up saying no all the time. But, it actually means I say yes quite often and with a much better attitude. As soon as a request is made of me (by myself or another), I do a personal inventory. I examine my attitude. I don't ask myself "Do I feel goodwill about it?", but rather, "Can I choose to do this with goodwill?"- in essence, "Am I willing to have goodwill"? Often simply checking with myself feels very respectful, as if I am honoring my internal compass instead of comandeering it. I can then acknowledge "Yes, I am able to do this with goodwill". Rather than carrying it out automatically (and my "automatic" tends to be either thoughtlessly or with boredom, annoyment, or the sense that I am overwhelmed with everything I have to do)- I carry it out mindfully and imbue it with the sense of goodwill and cheer that my introspectioon has summoned up within me.

Relationally, in marriage, dh and I understand the value of good will. If one of us cannot do something for the other in goodwill, and the other pushes to have it done anyway, we always end up regretting the resulting negativity and frustration- resentment- shown by our partner, and it overshadows any "victory" of having gotten what we want. Over time resentment builds up and creates very unhealthy patterns in our relationships and within us. Perhaps resentment is a precursor to bitterness? So, if I feel like I have a need that must be met, and I sense dh is not able to meet it with goodwill, I have developed my ability to trust God to meet my needs. I bring my petition and my intuition and... doors are opened! Sometimes my needs are met in a way I never would have imagined, had I been insistent upon fulfulling my original demand in the way *I* saw fit.

Returning to the issue at hand- following through with my routines. How can I bring this sense of individual responsibility (perhaps, one could say "freedom"?) and goodwill to their fulfillment? I believe I can do this by crafting rituals and weaving them into my day, to aid me in perceiving the true worth and importance of my chosen work.

rit⋅u⋅al   /ˈrɪtʃuəl/ –noun

1. A set of actions, often thought to have symbolic value, the performance of which is usually prescribed because of the perceived efficacy of those actions.

Beyond this, I even consider defining my household duties as sacraments. "A sacrament, as defined in Hexam's Concise Dictionary of Religion is "a Rite in which God is uniquely active." Augustine of Hippo defined a Christian sacrament as "a visible sign of an invisible reality."(sacrament is a step closer to god) The Anglican Book of Common Prayer speaks of them as "an outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible Grace." Examples of sacraments would be Baptism and the Mass." (Wikipedia)

One of my favorite books, "The Quotidian Mysteries" likens the sacrament of communion and subsequent public washing of the communion dishes done by certain priests, to a homemaker washing dishes. Amazingly, I *do* see many similarities between the traditional 7 sacraments and my household functions. And of course I believe God is uniquely active in our work in the home. Aren't these physical manifestations of our care for our family "outward and visible signs of His inward and invisible grace?"

The traditional Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church or "divine mysteries" are listed as the following:

Baptism
Confirmation
The Eucharist, Mass or Lord's Supper
Reconciliation of a Penitent (Confession)
Anointing of the Sick or Extreme Unction
Ordination
Matrimony

Perhaps the Seven Sacraments of the Mother and Wife would be:

Laundry (the correlation to baptism seems quite obvious, as our clothes are submerged and emerge "new")
Hospitality (like confirmation, it identifies one as welcome and confers gifts)
Nourishing or Cooking
Cleaning (a form of reconciling, absolving, or "washing away")
Nursing The Sick
Instructing Children (In essence, we "ordinate" our children to the ways of life)
Marital Intimacy

These also correspond to the "Seven Life Processes" which I have come to understand through the pages of Veronika Van Duin's amazing book "Homemaking and Personal Development". Truly a magical catalyst for personal growth and spiritual practice!

I have ordered a few books to help me create symbolic activities (whether physical or nonphysical) to accompany my "sacraments". "Rituals for Sacred Living", "Joy of Family Rituals", and "Spirit of the Home", are all on their way (used books are so wonderful!). I am also drooling over "Cooking for the Love of the World- Awakening our Spirituality Through Cooking" on christopherushomeschool.org.

So far I have been lighting candles each time I move into a room to do a chore. Fire has always been a part of ceremonial rites, and for good reason- it symbolizes many ideas such as "spark of determination", "warmth (of spirit)", "illumination"...

I am also learning more about essential oils and homeopathic flower essences and the emotions they support and summon up. Ever since I began making my cleaning products with essential oils, my attitude while cleaning has soared. What can compare to beautifying the bathroom while breathing in the invigorating scent of peppermint or grapefruit? Antibacterial and uplifting... purging both room and mind of negativity. (See this link for the recipes- http://www.greenwaycleaning.com/uploads/Recipe_Card_side_1.pdf )

It's amazing how those things which seem so menial really do carry great import in the spiritual realm, while the things which receive so much acclaim in our culture (sexual appeal, wealth, and fame or power) have very little significance in places ethereal.

I'll end this essay in "goodwill housekeeping" with one last definition- a variation of the meaning of goodwill. In commerce, "goodwill" 'refers to an intangible, salable asset arising from the reputation of a business and its relations with its customers, distinct from the value of its stock'. In other words, goodwill speaks of our worth being multiplied beyond our actual abilities, resources, and accomplishments- simply because of the quality of our actions and relations with those around us. So to all, I wish you goodwill.